think about these before you jump into divorce

Think about these before you jump into divorce

Marriage has never been an easy task from the get-go. A union between two adults from different background, orientation, value-system, worldview, social status, personality, exposure, level of spirituality, understanding, and etc. Marriage requires a lot of hard work from the both parties. Marriage is not a child’s play. It requires a deep commitment and total surrender. Many people does not seem to know the level of commitment and responsibility that is required of them in marriage before they said I do, that is why, immediately they get in, having seen the work they have to do on daily bases to stay married, they want to get out of it without a sober reflection on the ethics and values of the union called marriage. And the following is what you need to consider before you hit the divorce button.

Is my life under threat if I continue in the marriage? 

Is your partner assaultive or violent is he or she always assaulting you physically, threating to inflict harm or kill you? Frankly speaking no one deserves such partner. But, you should ask yourself these question, why is he/she like that, was he/her always abusive and assaultive when we were dating? If not, what happened, and why the sudden change? Have I provoked him/her for so long that it landed them to anger issue?  And when they turned hostile towards us, we forgot what we have been doing to them that subjected them to abusiveness and assault, and we chose to focus on how they tend to react to situations which we triggered off, in the first place. If you examine the situation and find out that you are the reason for his/her hostile reaction towards you; then, you need to take time to amend your ways so that you will have the partner you once knew.

Can my partner change if I give him/her another chance? 

Marriage is not a place for those who will never forgive. Marriage is not a place for perfect people; people who want their partner to be perfect like they are. Marriage is not a place you carry grudges day in day out, not willing to let go. No, marriage is not like that, marriage is a place for two constant offenders, who desire to get better with time. Marriage is a place for two imperfect people who constantly and genuinely work towards perfection. Marriage is a place where those who want to stay in it are the kind that forgive easily.

If your partner is teachable, if your partner is willing to learn, if your partner is the kind that always feel remorseful whenever he/she do something bad, if your partner is the kind that is willing to change. Do not serve him divorce because of one offence or couple of offences, when you know deep down that he/she can change, if given a second chance.  

Have I been accumulating grudges, which I have failed to let go even after several apologies? Not ready to forgive, or constantly meditating on the offence your partner committed against you is holding you captive in your marriage or relationship. Why can’t you let it go since he/she has apologized to you? Forgiveness is one of the best ingredient to spice up a healthy marriage or relationship.

You need to search deep into your soul, to ascertain, if not willing to have a total forgiveness is what that has been beating you black and blue into divorcing your partner? You know; when you let grudges accumulate in your head; there is no way you can think straight over issues. You will judge and take decision based on the accumulated grudges. Kill accumulated grudges before it kills your marriage.

Have I been too emotional in making decisions? 

By personality trait, some people are too emotional in decision making. And that make them a bad decision makers. They can’t just help but make a terrible decision and after that they regret it for the rest of their lives. So, before you decide to divorce your partner, evaluate the level of your decision making accuracy. Make sure it is not based on emotion.

Am I being influenced by external forces? 

Many marriages has been destroyed by environment, social influence and media. External forces has a big effects on the rate of divorce. How your environment can prepare your mindset to divorce in marriage. A lot of us come from the neighborhood with a high rate of divorce, maybe our parents or some of our relatives have divorce issues. And we might not know that it is affecting us in a negative way.

The kind of people you associate with might influence your decision about divorce. Are the people you are associating with anti-marriage? Some people don’t just love marriage, because, they cannot keep up with the do and don’ts in marriage; and if you associate with them they will destroy your worldview about marriage.

Media is another factor that is gradually destroying the value system of ideal marriage, or how marriage should be. The so called celebrity and their lifestyle has no respect for marriage. And they have a lot of influence on both young and old adults, thereby affecting negatively their decision making in marriage. Celebrity has been known over the years for divorce and failed marriages. And they are role models to a lot of people; and that is how the media is affecting the divorce in marriage. So you as a married person should know if it is either of the factors from external forces that is influencing you to divorcing your partner.

Does the reason for the divorce worth the adverse effect it would have on my children? 

This is one of the most important question you should ask yourself, a lot of couple are so selfish, they think about themselves alone without considering the psychological trauma divorce could cause to their children in the future. You needed to be sure if you and your couple are being selfish about divorce. A man might find a prettier woman and want divorce from his wife or the woman might find a man well loaded with cash and want to divorce her husband as well. Think about how insane our society is to raise children as they were from broken homes. Do not destroy your children emotionally with your own selfish desires.

Is there nothing else I could do to save my marriage? 

There is always something to do, until there is nothing to do again. What I mean is; how hard have you tried to save your marriage until you run out of options and desire. Have you done enough in the past? Do you think that what you have done is enough, and that all that is required of you now is to throw away your marriage?  Think about this deeply because when you cross that line there is no coming back. A lot has walked out of the marriage they should have saved and ended up regretting it in the future.

Did I want divorce because I found someone else who I think is better than my partner? People in marriage also lust over material possession and sex. That is I why it not advisable for a couple to keep a close relationship with the opposite sex, something unexpected might spring up, and you begin to doubt the value and quality of your partner, equating him/her with the new friend you are keeping.  Before you press go in for a break up, make sure you are not leaving your partner for someone you just met, whom you think is better that your partner.

Is the marriage a threat, or bad influence to my children? 

Some marriages is affecting the children negatively, that is why in some advanced countries that there is a way a couple might behave the government, will take away the children from the couple. There are marriages where the husband abuse his daughter or son sexually and the same thing applies to the wife. There might be case where the husband or the wife is doing dirty business, or keeping bad gang, and the spouse might want to leave since their no other option to save the children other than to divorce.  

 

Have I been doing the right thing in the marriage from the beginning? 

Some people think that they are the king in marriage and they can do anything and get away with it and once the other party do the same thing they should be sanctioned immediately, it is often applicable in the African settings, their men tend to cheat with multiple women with the pride that they are men, but when they caught their spouse cheating, that becomes the end of the marriage. So, you think it’s right to cheat on your wife without her cheating back. Before you divorce him/her for a particular offence, examine your heart and make sure that you are clean of that same offence.